I had decided.

Enterprise-grade, responsive, complex web apps. That’s what I wanted to focus on.

The kind of work that excites my team. That stretches us. That doesn’t involve pixel-pushing or “Can we make the button more clicky?” feedback loops.

I updated the website. Rewrote the pitch deck. Started saying no to anything that didn’t align.

For once, things felt clear. Crisp. Intentional.

And then… came the PowerPoint request.

“Just a quick deck,” they said. “One-pager. Internal use. Shouldn’t take long.” Also: “It’s for the VP of a big company. Could open up a lot more work.”

And just like that, the fog rolled back in.

I stared at the request for longer than I’d like to admit.

Told myself I’d decided.

Told myself this wasn’t the kind of work we do anymore.

Then opened the file anyway.

There it was. Bullet points, half-baked ideas, no clear brief.

Still… I wasn’t able to dismiss it.

There’s also that other lead. The big one. Been in touch for months now. Friendly chats. Promising signals.

They say we’re “top of the list.”

That they “really value our approach.”

That they’re “just aligning internally.”

Translation: nothing concrete. Just hope. Glorious, distracting, slightly-toxic hope.

But I find myself hesitating to commit to smaller projects - just in case this one finally materializes.

It’s like holding an empty bowl near a cloud, waiting for rain.

I’ve realised I’m not struggling with yes or no.

I’m struggling with maybe.

With the fear of missing out on something better.

With the guilt of doing something smaller.

With the discomfort of not knowing whether my decisions are brave or just poorly timed.

So now, I’ve started doing this very basic thing:

I try to see a project for what it is, not what it might be.

Not what it pretends to become. Not what I’m hoping it’ll lead to.

Just - what it is. Today.

And if I choose to take it, I do it with open eyes.

If I pass, I try not to second-guess it to death.

(Some days I succeed. Most days, I still second-guess it to death. But at least now I know what I’m doing.)

No grand epiphanies. Just this quiet, ongoing reminder:

There’s no perfect pipeline. Only a series of choices - some smart, some desperate, some emotionally confusing.

But the goal, I think, is to build a pipeline that doesn’t feel like it’s controlling me.

Something I can look at without dread on a Monday morning.

And yes, some days I’ll take the PowerPoint.

Some days I’ll keep waiting on the big maybe.

But as long as I know why I’m doing it - not because of panic, not because of pressure -

I think I’ll be okay.